First the context… several late nights in a row; the emotional roller coaster that was BYU vs. UCLA on Saturday; ~25 hours in the car since Friday; only 3.5 hours of sleep last night; stressful last minute task (in addition to some unfinished tasks) to complete at work; and the ever present (recently more so) and potent ups and downs of dating. It’s no wonder that my emotions currently seem like a train off its tracks or a child in his first fire alarm.
The reality… The new levels of emotion I’m experiencing are daunting. If there is so much I was unaware of before — the deepness of despair, the severity of stress, and surely the extents of elation — how much more is there that I have no idea about!?
The hope… At this moment, I feel a need for grace to an extent I can’t remember feeling before. I’m strengthened by Elder Bednar’s testimony:
Grace is the divine assistance or heavenly help each of us desperately needs to qualify for the celestial kingdom. Thus, the enabling power of the Atonement strengthens us to do and be good and to serve beyond our own individual desire and natural capacity.
Although my individual desire and natural capacity will ever fall short without Christ, I feel keenly aware of that at present (my HWN today). And I’m grateful for this need — the yearning for Christ to strengthen me. And I believe he will :)