A third girl in a row answered today that she couldn’t go on a date with me. All shared reasons why they can’t come, and none of them expressed a desire to come or suggested another time.
The natural thoughts and feelings that followed… I’m saddened by the by the pattern of rejection and the lack of desire to come. “I” am the reason they can’t go on the date. I am undesirable, unattractive. I’m not good at asking people on dates. I’ll never have a girlfriend. I’ll never get married…
Irrational, but honest.
So, what do I do? Well, I write it down here to try to get my feelings out. I hope it may help someone feel understood, and remind me what depression may feel like when I forget in the future. I pray. I challenge irrational beliefs. I wait. I listen to a saved voice mail on my phone from my 3-year-old niece. And I smile :)
I recognize trials are part of my telestial experience, including internal ones. My body and spirit are subject to doubt, fear, worry, and I know it’s an opportunity for me to stretch myself and move forward. I hear HWN today as Christ carries and heals me emotionally :)
“And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” (Alma 7:12)